I was called to testify in a case that I had no interest in going to. As a Knight I have an obligation to always stand up and do what’s right, and to make sure that I speak out for those who have no voice. I am ashamed to admit I almost allowed cowardice to stop me from doing this. I fought every step of the way and forced them to subpoena me before I co-operated. In the end I did what I could although I don’t think that was much since my memories of the crime in question are almost all repressed, I had a lot of trouble remembering and being consistent with statements made at much earlier interviews. I wish I could have done more or better yet stood up when I was the victim before others were forced to suffer. I wish I could say that I stood and met my enemy head on without fear, but I can’t. I was shaking and soft spoken, I was terrified the entire time I was on the stand. I did not face the enemy with courage. I wanted to be sick and almost was at one point. Yet through all that I know God and the Blessed Mother were there with me (take that American judicial system, God will be in a courthouse weather he is welcomed or not), although I was not allowed the comfort of holding my rosary while I was on the stand. A knight’s truest armor is his faith and I tried to remember that as I faced my worst fears. I will pray and try to find the lesson that God intended for me in this trip. I trust that he put me here and allowed this for a purpose and I hope that I am observant and obedient enough to discern that purpose. I want to thank everyone that prayed for me today, all the friends and loved ones whose hearts went with me even though they could not support me in person. The plethora of Saints asked for help in my name, I don’t even know all the ones called on. Last but not least those followers here who said a prayer or two, I appreciate it more than you can ever know. Despite my lack of courage I stand victorious with my demon behind me, and I know it’s because I trusted God and also in no small part to all the prayers offered for me.
I am sitting on an airplane headed to face my biggest trial ever, and I begin to contemplate why God allows trials and tribulations not just in our time but in all history. God has allowed the trials of his chosen for as long as we have existed. Sometimes it’s because we become too arrogant to be obedient and sometimes it’s because we need to be placed where God wants us and the placement is difficult either due to us fighting or just circumstances in general. In Genesis we see Joseph who is somewhat arrogant because of his father’s special treatment and needed a bit of humbling. Due to his being sold into slavery he was in a position to help his family later in life and he was humble enough to be obedient to God’s will. I think that this shows us to always be prepared to face our trials and remember to be always humble. Even in our worst moments, our greatest trials and failures God goes before us and if we simply trust him he will give us hope and a lesson from all experiences good and bad. I am going to face this challenge head on because God is my comfort and my armor, I cannot change what has happened and I can’t change that it happened to others but I will stand up now as a knight should and try to make sure no one else is ever hurt this way again. I am terrified beyond reason but I will no longer let that stop me from doing what’s right. I ask all my readers to keep me in your prayers as I need strength and courage. Pray that I find the lesson here.
(note: this was written on the airplane and posted when I reached my hotel)